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- Cleaning House -
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Sunday, December 09, 2012
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I'm cleaning house...and I don't mean my physical house but the emotional house inside me. I learned a lot about myself over these past few months and I really like what I found out. It will only make me that much stronger. So today is spring cleaning. I'm donating all the emotional baggage I carried around. I'm not going to pack it I'm going to throw it out. I've had two of the not so tough conversations with my collections of "just friends" and I really didn't have a clue at how much control they were having over my life. I'm not any ones girlfriend so I don't owe anyone exclusivity and since those two are just platonic...well that's not relevant to what I have to say. I was brutally honest with one, didn't care to be anymore than just friends and that was that...well it was a very long conversation but that was the jest of the conversation. This morning wasn't that hard either since this guy pretty much did an emotional number on me some months back and managed to worm his way back into my life the last two weeks. Maybe I was too lonely or maybe I really wanted him to hurt like I did. Whatever my reason I had the mean talk, the emotional F you talk. He had so much passive aggression. I know passive aggression because I live it. But I said exactly what I wrote yesterday...I don't need anymore friends. And I went on to say that even if I wanted to stay friends, I know things about my friends I have meaningful quality conversations with friends I don't get the one word answers and the constant text messages (damn do I hate that) have a freaking conversation that's what a phone is for. But then they all do that. It's like we live in a world where people don't really want to build relationships anymore. They want to be impersonal because then they don't have to feel bad about the way they treat people. I was broken up via text message a while back. That sucks and it hurts but then he didn't really have to do the tough work of listening to the pain in my voice or better yet seeing the tears. But regardless of the pain of a breakup, I didn't have that pain yesterday and today. Why; because they weren't in a relationship with me. They were playing games with my emotions and my heart and it was time to clean house. I'm still searching for that someone who wants to help me build quality memories. Pain is part of life, heartache means there is a heart beating inside me...it means I'm alive. Not trying is pointless. One can't live life afraid to be hurt because then you become this shell of a person who just goes through the motions everyday. You have to try try try everyday...and while at it clean house.
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