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- She shoots, She Scores...Woo Hoo!!! -
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Saturday, January 28, 2006
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So here is my take on life. Do you know how you can tell the fake from the real in people. Try leaving a job and see how people start to treat you. I noticed that the fake ones start to be really nice to you. Like take my position that I am vacating this week. I noticed that the drama queens seem to be really nice to me this last week. Like I don't see through their fake a mile away. I really don't care that I'm saying goodbye to the majority of them. The sad part is that I'm afraid that I'm leaving one drama for another. My life is one big drama that is self-inflicted. I admit I cause so much torment on myself. I stand up in meanness instead of kindness most of the time. I'm in love with someone who I'm afraid to tell. Yeah that's a big shocker. I talk a big game about how I'm not going to marry for love. Which I truly believe will happen. Why? Because you get two people together who obviously had chemistry when they met, but are just too chicken now to say how they feel. I'm the bigger chicken of us because I pretty much ignored my heart in the beginning. And now it's more shame than scared. I'm not as put together as I was when we met. I've gained alot of weight and it kills me that I'm just too lazy to get off my butt and get myself back into the girl I used to be. I start and fail. I hate who I've become. I need to take all the time I have now to fix myself. On top of it all, I still have to stay sane for my son. I am the best mommy I can be considering all the pain I hold inside. It's starting to show on the outside now which is the number one reason why I have to leave my job. It was a black whole that sucked me in, chewed me up, and spit me out. Well I think this is a little too much sharing for now. But anyway I've got a few journal reviews to write for my classes this week. Boy do I just Loooove school.
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